How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
