i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
