I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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