Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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