You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
