god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that's an acceptable place to lick
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
