Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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