hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she smelled like a LAN party
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
