Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
