a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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