last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
