I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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