i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
