Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
