Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
