I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
