god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
