In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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