so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
