yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
