Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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