summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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