Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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