her vagine was all disorganized.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
