remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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