Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
