Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
