I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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