Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
