This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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