got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
