Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
