Me too!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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