Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
