3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
