why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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