Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
