I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
