Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
high people should be assigned attendants
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
