Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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