I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
