For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize