Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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