I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
