I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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