Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Come see our sink grown plant.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
