i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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