why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
thus making me awesome and them whores
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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