Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
