Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
do nipples grow back?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
