apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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