On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
