omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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