HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
