hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
