Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
