I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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