There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
