nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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