Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
