Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize