Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
