Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
