the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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