So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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