Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
