:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
