the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
