He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I would ride that face into the sunset
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
