I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's the barista slut.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
