How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
