Where is the hickey?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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