This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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