Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
