i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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