he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
